Let’s clear something up first: you probably don’t need to last as long as you think.
Porn is a pretty terrible reference point for how long sex is supposed to last. Scenes are edited, performers stop and restart, camera angles change, and nobody shows you every break between takes. So if you’re comparing yourself to a 30-minute scene online, you may be setting the bar somewhere it doesn’t need to be.
Still, if you regularly finish earlier than you’d like, there are a few things worth trying.
Learn when you’re getting too close
The trick isn’t trying to stop yourself two seconds before orgasm. By then, you’re usually fighting a losing battle.
Pay attention to the build-up instead. When you feel yourself getting close, slow down, change position, stop penetration for a bit, or switch your attention to your partner.
This is essentially the stop-start technique: reduce stimulation before ejaculation, let the excitement settle down, then start again.
It sounds almost too simple, but it’s a technique actually used for premature ejaculation. Good overview of it here. And taking a break doesn’t mean sex has to stop. You’ve got hands, a mouth and an entire partner to work with.
Try reducing the sensitivity
Sometimes a condom is enough to make a noticeable difference. A slightly thicker condom can reduce sensation and make it easier to control when you finish. There are also “delay” or “climax control” condoms that use small amounts of numbing ingredients such as benzocaine or lidocaine.
Numbing creams and sprays exist too.Just don’t overdo it. The objective is to last longer, not to make your dick feel like it went to the dentist. Some products can also reduce your partner’s sensitivity if they’re transferred during sex.
Don’t ignore your pelvic floor
Kegels aren’t just for women. Your pelvic-floor muscles are involved in ejaculation and erection control, and strengthening them may help some men improve control.
To find the muscles, imagine you’re trying to stop yourself from passing gas. Tighten them for a few seconds, relax, then repeat. You can also identify them by stopping urine briefly while you’re peeing, but don’t make that your actual workout 🙂
Stop treating penetration like the whole event
This might be more useful than half the bedroom tricks you’ll read online. If all you’re thinking about is: “How long have I lasted?” you’re probably not paying much attention to anything else.
Slow down. Kiss. Use your hands. Go down on your partner. Change position. Take a break and come back to penetration.
Being good in bed has surprisingly little to do with being able to thrust continuously for 25 minutes.
And the more pressure you put on yourself to perform, the harder it can become to actually enjoy what’s happening.
What about sildenafil (Viagra) and tadalafil (Cialis)?
Sildenafil (Viagra) and tadalafil (Cialis) are mainly used for erectile dysfunction, difficulty getting or maintaining an erection. It isn’t specifically a “last longer” pill.
But erection problems and ejaculation problems can sometimes happen together.
For example, if you’re rushing because you’re worried you’ll lose your erection, treating the erection problem may indirectly make sex a lot less stressful.
Drugs such as sildenafil have been studied for premature ejaculation, although they aren’t the usual first-line treatment for it. You can read their overview of premature ejaculation and its treatments here.
Having trouble staying hard?
If getting or keeping an erection is part of the problem, treatments such as sildenafil (Viagra) and tadalafil (Cialis) are specifically designed for erectile dysfunction.
When finishing quickly becomes an actual problem
Everybody finishes faster than they wanted to occasionally. That doesn’t automatically mean you have premature ejaculation. It becomes more relevant when it happens consistently, you feel like you have very little control over ejaculation, and it’s genuinely bothering you or affecting your sex life.
Premature ejaculation is both common and treatable. Depending on the situation, treatment can involve behavioral techniques, counseling, topical anesthetics or prescription medication. So if it’s happening almost every time and bedroom tricks aren’t changing anything, talk to a doctor instead of spending six months searching for the perfect sex hack.
Forget the stopwatch
Sex isn’t a stamina competition. If you can recognize when you’re getting close, slow things down, switch what you’re doing and stay relaxed enough to enjoy yourself, you’re already solving most of the problem.
And stop judging your performance against porn. Even the guy in the video probably didn’t do it in one take 🙂